5 Ways to REGULATE your Emotions

Have you ever been told to JUST CALM DOWN? Or maybe you’ve thought to yourself “I wish I could just chill!”

Well, let me tell you why you’re not chill and how you can work on actually calming down!

If you have seen or heard about calming your nervous system and skills for nervous system regulation, I am here to explain AND give you the skills you need to regulate your emotions.

As a reminder, emotions are our FRIENDS not our ENEMY. Emotions give us information about ourselves. We get dysregulated because the emotions can be uncomfortable or because they are really intense and we don’t know how to manage them. In this email, I am going to give you 5 ways to manage emotions RIGHT NOW.

First, let’s take a brief journey back to science class to discuss the Autonomic Nervous System. There are two parts of the nervous system I will discuss today- the Parasympathetic Nervous System and the Sympathetic Nervous System. Stick with me here, I promise this is helpful!!!

Our Sympathetic Nervous System is responsible for our flight or fight response, better known for what causes our anxiety and trauma responses. The Parasympathetic Nervous System is responsible for our rest and digest response, better known as our chill mode. You can also think of these two parts as a light switch. When one is on, the other is off and vice versa.

How do we know when our Sympathetic Nervous System is activated?

Some physical symptoms and sensations you might notice are: racing heart, sweaty palms, racing thoughts, shallow breathing, muscle tension, restlessness, etc,. Basically when we are in danger we want our fight or flight system to immediately activate to keep us safe. We release adrenaline hormones and experience a physical response to either be able to fight or flee whatever is a threat.

Danger can be in the form of a physical threat, emotional threat or social threat:

Having anxiety or experiencing trauma triggers can activate the nervous system even when there is no threat present.

So what do you do when you want to turn off the flight or fight switch?

Emotion Regulation Skills!

Below I will give you 5 ways to help calm your nervous system. When we are "emotionally activated" its hard to make any decisions. The idea is that we use these skills to get us to a better mental head space so we can proceed in a way that is not entirely emotionally driven. The goal is to use both logic and emotion to make decisions. (thats a whole other post though!)

Journal prompt idea: Write about a time when you were recently highly activated emotionally. What were the thoughts, sensations and emotions you felt? What were your urges? What ways did you cope? How would you like to cope next time?

5 Ways to Calm your Nervous System RIGHT NOW:

1. Grounding: Grounding skills help you to get into the present moment. Often when you are emotionally dysregulation there is past rumination or future tripping. One of the best ways to “ground” is to engage in your 5 senses. Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. I personally like to look for things that are my favorite color, purple, and keep some things that smell nice, like my essential oils, on hand.

2. Happy place: Imagine yourself in a place that feels safe and calm. This can be a real or imagined place, and it doesn’t have to be one that you’ve been to before. Again, try to engage your 5 senses. If you cannot physically go to this place, really picture yourself being there. For me, my happy place is the beach. I can hear the ocean waves, feel the sand, smell the salty breeze, and hear the seagulls (hoping they don’t poop on me 😝).

3. Deep breathing: The OG regulation skill… because it works! Sending oxygen to the brain with deep diaphragm breaths is crucial in regulating your nervous system. If you are one to hyperventilate or hold your breath/have shallow breathing while emotionally activated, this is for you! Well, its really for anyone. My personal favorite is Square Breathing— breathe in for the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, breathe out for the count of 4 and hold again for the count of 4. Try it right now! 

4. Muscle Relaxation: As mentioned earlier, our bodies get ready for fight or flight through the release of adrenaline. This can create tension in our muscles. IYKYK… There are a few ways I like to release tension. 1. Tensing and releasing each major muscle group in our body through progressive muscle relaxation, 2. Doing general stretches, and 3. You guessed it, YOGA! Be sure to breathe in deep to get more out of your stretching and notice how much more relaxed you feel after. PRO TIP: Take a hot bath after… you wont regret it!

5. Mindfulness: When our minds are full, its hard to focus on one thing at a time. Anxiety causes us to have rapid fire thinking and often we get stuck in a hamster wheel of ruminating on past and future. Mindfulness is about being in the here and now. Similar to grounding, we want to stay present in the moment.

Emotion Regulation can be difficult, HOWEVER, unresolved emotions can lead us to use unhealthy coping skills. This is where "emotional eating" or using comfort food can come into play. It's not wrong to use food to cope, but its really the intention behind it. Plus, I think we can all agree that we want to feel somewhat in control of our emotions AND our food. Emotional eating can make us feel worse, so if you want to use food as a coping skill, might as well feel better about it right?

PRO TIP: Layer the skills together. Use multiple skills at the same time in order for optimal regulation.

If you are looking for ways to increase awareness of emotions around food and how to regulate to reduce emotional eating, check out my intuitive eating coaching program here.

Cheers to mental health and emotion regulation!